Steve’s Eulogy for his Dad

Eulogy for my dad, Gilbert Garber
Stephen Garber
25 May, 2007

I stand before you with respect, with honor and with love. – and with a profound sense of humility. My father was truly one of the Greatest Generation. He did so much for so many and with so much integrity, I feel deeply humbled to be his loving son and to eulogize such a wonderful man.

My father had opinions. Oh did he have his opinions. And, he would often share them with you whether you asked or not. Just ask his nieces and nephews…his sons in law, and anyone with whom he worked. As his son, I heard his opinions of my choices and behaviors with…candor.
One of Dad’s opinions was that most eulogies were like glossy photos, retouched after passing, losing the essence of the truth. To honor you, Dad, I will speak my truth.

You were and are a great man. We are measured not by our words, but our deeds. You will be measured by the legacy you have left, and it is profound.

Start with where we are:
I remember the first time I sat on this Bima on The High Holy Days, and saw over 1000 people here to pray. This is the house that you built Dad – with lots of help from your best friend and one of mine – of our entire family’s – Gerry Segel, as well as many others of course. You had the vision when there were 100 families to build for 400. You had the persuasion skills to get it done. You often simply would not take no for an answer. Some people had trouble with that – and, you got it done. My sisters were married here. I became a Bar Mitzvah here, and now we have filled this sanctuary – for today it is truly our sanctuary - with the sadness of your passing and the honor of a life so very well lived, Dad, This is the house of G-d that you built.

There is no way to talk about you, Dad, without celebrating your love for Mummy. It was and is an inspiration to us all. You and she taught us so much about LOVE. You taught us to honor and adore, to respect and support, to give and to be kind – and to express. Oh, did you teach us to express love. Most of us found the right life partners to express our love to. Some of us are still working on it.

Dad, you were a lover and a partner to Mummy right to the very end – something she and I will never forget, you asking her blessing to surrender to death. And, Dad, the way you lived and the way you died, with courage, love, and dignity, will be a guidepost for many people for many years. The way you never complained, the way you literally and figuratively took your medicine. The way you chose your time to die and had all your children and your wife with you. Your dignity remains the mark for me to reach…

You were an amazingly organized person – and you did ‘projects’ like no other man. And, to your great comfort, you passed that on to your offspring. Unfortunately, it all went to Ronda. So, wherever and whatever heaven is, we all know it will be better organized now that you are there – and at the lowest cost possible.

I need to thank you for so much, Dad. Without your amazing project and networking skills, we never would have been able to get our Lexi out of Hungary. She is my world Dad, just as all your kids and grandkids felt like we are to you. I loved how you played chess with her, cuddled her and supported her just 2 weeks ago.

Humor is so much of your legacy, Dad. Whether it was vying with Uncle Ira for the silliest puns and jokes. Or your own stories that regaled us all. Or the practical jokes like playing the hotel clerk at Rick and Ellen’s honeymoon – your were funny, right up to the end: I told you that I would miss you. You told me that you would miss you, too.

Being a gentleman and acting with integrity was so much of who you are, Dad. You told me that you were not sure you deserved all the love and devotion that you were getting, because you knew you had been tough and made mistakes with people. After quickly agreeing with you, I reminded you then, and I remind you now, Dad. People always knew you cared – that your intention was good, and that your heart was in the right place. You even came out of your semi-coma to look the nurse in the eye who had just bathed you and changed your bed and put out your hand to shake – a good firm handshake, Dad. A big symbol of who you are…

Dad, thanks for teaching me integrity, honesty, commitment, and mostly, Love. You created Love wherever you and Mummy went. All of the medical team from the most prestigious of doctors to the nurse’s aides felt your love. Laurie cried when I told her how she was a reflection of the love she saw in you and Mums. It was as high a compliment as she could get Dad. That is how powerful your love – and your love with Mummy is.

Thanks for loving us for who we are – and for loving so many so powerfully.
Thanks for being the father, the husband and the citizen you are.
Thanks for showing me how to be a good man, a gentle man – and a man of greatness.
To President Marcos, you were a president. To all great men and women, you are a great man.

I love you, Dad. May you rest in peace.